Why Giving Kids Smartphones Too Young Can Backfire — and What Parents Should Do Instead

 

Kids Are Getting Smartphones Younger Than Ever — Here’s How Parents Can Handle It

It’s happening earlier and earlier: children are getting smartphones years before most experts think they should.

A new Pew Research Center survey released on October 8, 2025, found that most parents of kids aged 11 to 12 say their child already has a smartphone. But many psychologists and communication experts — including Dr. Kara Alaimo, professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University — recommend holding off until at least age 16, especially when it comes to social media use.

So why are parents rushing to give their kids phones? The top reason, Pew found, is simple — to stay in touch. Parents want to be able to call or text their kids when they’re out. But this convenience may come with hidden costs for children’s mental health, focus, and sleep.

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The Problem Starts Early: Screen Time Is Skyrocketing

The same study found that 85% of parents say their kids watch YouTube, and that includes a growing number of toddlers under age 2 — a big jump from just five years ago.

“The degree to which screens start young is very striking,” said Colleen McClain, senior researcher at Pew.

Even though 86% of parents say managing screen time is a daily priority, nearly half admit they could do a better job, and only 19% say they always enforce their rules.

That inconsistency matters. When parents don’t stick to boundaries, kids quickly learn the rules don’t really apply. No wonder 80% of parents in the survey said they believe social media’s harms outweigh its benefits.

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How to Stay Connected Without a Smartphone

Parents often feel torn: they want to keep their kids safe and reachable but don’t want to expose them to the risks of smartphones. Fortunately, there are healthier alternatives.

✅ Try a “dumbphone.”
These basic flip phones allow calling and texting but no social media — meaning no exposure to toxic content, predators, or addictive scrolling.

✅ Smartwatches for kids.
These watches can call, text, and share GPS location, giving parents peace of mind without giving kids full internet access.

✅ Use a shared “family phone.”
Dr. Alaimo says she gives her child a family phone only when needed for activities or communication — but it doesn’t belong to the child, and it’s only used for contact with family members.

These small steps can help parents stay in touch without giving kids full access to the online world too soon.

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Team Up With Other Parents

One of the hardest things parents face is peer pressure — not for themselves, but for their kids.

“Other kids have phones” has become the No. 1 argument children use.

That’s why experts suggest talking to other parents early — even while your kids are still in elementary school. Agree as a group to delay smartphone ownership until your children are mature enough to handle it responsibly.

In some communities, parents are even bringing back landlines so kids can stay connected without the digital overload.

Research shows that using social media during puberty is linked to lower life satisfaction later on. Experts like Alaimo and psychotherapist Lauren Tetenbaum both recommend waiting until at least age 16 before introducing social media.

If your child already has a phone, don’t panic — it’s not too late. What matters most is setting clear rules and sticking to them.

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Set—and Follow—Clear Family Rules

Experts agree that every family needs a realistic smartphone plan.

Set rules about when and where devices can be used — for example:

• No phones during meals or homework.

• No screens an hour before bedtime.

• Notifications off during study time.

And just as importantly, model the behavior yourself.

“If parents are constantly scrolling during dinner, kids will do the same,” said Tetenbaum. “Tell your kids why you’re using your phone — like checking tomorrow’s schedule — so they understand it’s not just mindless scrolling.”

To make the rules stick, involve your kids in making them. Ask what they think is fair and how they want to use their devices responsibly. Kids are more likely to follow guidelines they help create.

And always remind them: the device belongs to you, the parent — not the child. That means you can check it anytime to ensure their safety.

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Finding Healthier Ways to Connect

If screen time is getting out of hand, try suggesting alternatives instead of just saying no.

On a rainy day full of screens, say something like, “We spent a lot of time online yesterday — let’s make today an outdoor day.” Then brainstorm fun activities together.

The goal isn’t to cut your kids off from the digital world — it’s to teach balance and self-control.

With patience, consistency, and a little creativity, parents can help their kids grow up confident, connected, and safe — without losing them to their screens.